Homecoming
by lovergirl85
Summary: Part 5. Bruce finally gets back from his mission- that shouldn't have taken a month, Dick.


I don't own Batman. Duh.

The manor was normally a quiet place. It had been quiet when it was just Bruce, it had been noisy with Dick and Jason, quieter with Tim, nosier with Stephanie and quiet with Damian. So when Bruce entered the manor through the entrance to the Bat Cave, the last thing he was expecting to hear was shouts of rage echoing through it. He paused for a moment, tensing up, trying to pinpoint their location and relaxed when he picked Damian and Tim's voices from the cacophony of sound. Tensing when he heard Jason's.

He darted through the manor towards the stairs that led upstairs and ran into Alfred half-way up. He stopped next to the older man, taking his unconcerned posture and slightly exasperated countenance. Scratch that. Alfred may have only looked slightly exasperated, but he was quickly reaching the end of his rope.

"Master Bruce, welcome back," he greeted. "I trust the business in Brazil went well?"

"Yes. Alfred, what-" Alfred sighed and simply gestured up the stairs.

"Everything is under control, Master Bruce," he told him, continuing down the stairs. Bruce heard him mutter, "Or least as under control as things can be when all Robins are brought together." Bruce frowned. What was _that_ supposed to mean?

He'd gone on a mission to Brazil and called Dick to stay with Damian and Alfred while he was away. Originally, he was only supposed to be gone a week, two at the most, but the mission had stretched longer than anticipated and he'd been gone a month. So he was expecting mild mayhem when he returned, but not _this_. He stopped when he heard Stephanie's voice join in and listened for a moment.

"Just you wait, Dick!" She shouted at him. "I'm going to have to cook for you again at some point and your portion _won't be edible._" That was one of the most out there threats Bruce had ever heard.

"I wasn't aware you _could_ cook, Brown," Damian's voice floated down the hall. "Although, I guess that does explain some things about you." He heard Stephanie snarl.

"Watch it, short stack. Who do you think has been cooking your meals when I first got here?"

"Well, that certainly explains the subpar taste," Damian shot back.

"I liked it," Jason's voice volunteered. "Can I choose the poison that goes in Dick's portion?"

"Todd, we all know you're just trying to get laid." Damian sounded more petulant than usual.

"Ooh, lookit the baby bird, all grown up," Jason mocked.

"Oh, for Pete's sake," Stephanie snapped. "You _both_ need to grow up."

"I'll…just go get more Advil," Dick finally spoke up. A moment later, Dick appeared at the top of the staircases, smiling brightly when he saw Bruce.

"Bruce," he greeted cheerfully, though Bruce couldn't help but notice it was slightly forced. "Good to see you back. How was the mission?"

"Long," Bruce answered flatly. "Dick…what are they doing here?" Dick fidgeted slightly and little alarms began going off in Bruce's head. He was reminded of when Dick was younger and had done something that was sure to get him in trouble.

"Well, see," Dick began. "It all started when Damian got sick. Nothing major, just the flu. Flu season and all, you know?" Dick was babbling. Which meant there was something else going on here. "But, you know, right after that, Timmy got sick. So I brought him back here so we could keep an eye on him. But then, Jason got sick so _someone_ needed to take care of him-"

"Who the hell are you talking to, Goldie?" Jason yelled, apparently having tuned in when he heard his name. Dick ignored him.

"But then, Alfred and I needed a hand, so I asked Stephanie if she would be willing to come over, but then _she_ got sick-"

"And everyone miraculously got sick except you?" Bruce asked, deliberately keeping his voice quiet so Jason wouldn't bolt. He was beginning to figure out exactly what had happened.

"Well, I had my flu shot, see," Dick began. "And I was going to take Damian in to get his, except-"

"I had my flu shot, too, Dick!" Tim interrupted.

"Is that my father?" Damian's voice cut in. "I want to see him." He heard Jason start swearing up a storm. A moment later, Stephanie started yelling.

"Jason, lay back down! I don't care who you have issues with, you're still sick and if somebody has to track you down and you end up having a fever when we _do_ find you, we're going to be doubly pissed!"

"Look, princess-"

"Jason Todd, you are going to lay back down _now_." A moment later there was a satisfied, "Good. Glad we agree." He heard Stephanie pad back across the hall to her room.

"And now they're out for my blood," Dick finished as if nothing had happened. Bruce pinched his nose and motioned for Dick to follow him back downstairs. Bruce asked Alfred to bring them some coffee in the study and then shut the door behind them. Dick fidgeted until Bruce motioned for him to sit down again. It was almost like Dick was twelve again.

"How did she manage that?" Bruce asked. Dick blinked, not sure what he was referring to. "Stephanie. How did she manage to get Jason to listen to her?"

"Bruce," Dick answered. "She is the daughter of a villain and a doctor. A second rate villain, yeah, but a first class doctor. Plus, she was Spoiler and Robin and now she's Batgirl. She trained under you and she's training under Babs, who incidentally, trained under you, too." He shrugged. "Plus, she's a woman. Women just have that scary voice that even Batman can't pull off. And did I mention her mom is a doctor? She's picked up some good tips for getting people do what she wants."

"Where is Stephanie's mom and why isn't she taking care of her?" Bruce asked next.

"She's at a hospital conference for the next week and a half." The older man nodded.

"How did you get Jason to stay?" Bruce settled back in his chair.

"Alfred." Bruce couldn't really bring himself to be surprised.

"How did you keep them from harming each other?" That was something that Bruce really wanted to know.

"Well…Stephanie, I didn't really have to worry about," Dick answered. "Nobody really has a grudge against her. But the other three…erm…bonded over planning my demise."

"Which is why they were threatening each other today?"

"Actually, that would've been me," Dick muttered. Bruce nodded, and then got down to the crux of the matter.

"What was Catwoman doing in Brazil?"

"Um…I don't know…?" Bruce leaned back in his seat as Alfred brought the coffee before leaving again.

"Really? Because she kept saying that someone had given her a tip that that was where Batman was headed and that he needed to relieve some stress."

"Is that so?" Dick was really trying to act surprised. He wasn't pulling it off very well.

"Apparently her idea of relieving stress was to mess up the mission at almost every turn."

"How…very not thoughtful of her…" Dick cleared his throat and took a drink of the coffee. "Is that why you were down there so long?"

"You tell me, Dick."

"I really couldn't tell you…oh, I think Alfred need some help with the others. Good to see you, Bruce!" With that, Dick quickly left the room. Bruce smiled before taking a sip of his own coffee.

BMBMBMBMBMBM

In retrospect, Dick should've seen this coming, he decided in the morning as he pulled the covers over his head and tried to ignore his pounding head.


End file.
